This week the Detroit Lions fired GM/President Matt Millien due to the poor performance of the team over the last seven years. In this light, and due to the fact that the All-Stars seem to be heading down the same road , I decided to try and get inside the head of Speaker City’s President and GM Bernard “Beanie” Campbell this week.
Jennings: Thanks for taking the time to meet with me and discuss the All-Stars.
Campbell: Who? Oh the Flag Football team. Yea, can you make this quick? I have a massage scheduled at 2.
Jennings: OK. What do think about the season so far? 0-3? Is that what you expected?
Campbell: What do I think? I think that those guys better get their heads out of their asses. I mean come on, this flag foot ball not Cricket, or Jai Lai. I just started the team because Frank wouldn’t stop bugging me about it.
Jennings: So this team was Frank's Idea?
Campbell: Yea. He wanted a something to get his mind off the fact that he had no job, no wife, and the fact that he lives in a frat house even though he is 34 years old. I mean don’t get me wrong, I hang out at the house too, lots of young girls. You know what I mean?
Jennings: I guess so?
Campbell: Yea, well it’s cool and all but Frank really thinks he runs the place, and he has nothing else to live for so I told him we could start a team and Speaker City would sponsor the team. The dead beat couldn’t even come up with 200 bucks to pay for the league fee.
Jennings: What do you think about the way the team has played so far?
Campbell: Well, let’s see they have been beaten by at least 30 points each week, and they seem to be getting worse. I guess I’d say I’m not really happy.
Jennings: Do you think making the QB switch will help?
Campbell: Oh don’t bring that up. Frank sends me about 100 text messages a day asking for his job back. I mean really? He sucks. Plus most of the guys tell me he shows up drunk to most of the games. But he has to be QB if you ask him. His idea and all. I thought I would give that kid Weensie a shot. He did pretty good in his first game. I mean they still suck but at least it looked like they were playing football, and not grab ass.
Jennings: So you’re hopeful for the future?
Campbell: I don’t care about the future, I care about sales. If my sales at Speaker City, located at 10853 South Broadway open 10-8 every day every including Christmas, go down then I will shut this sorry team down. I am doing this for 2 reason only publicity and chicks.
Jennings: OK. Can you tell me a little bit about your philosophy as a team owner?
Campbell: Yea, if we win I sell more. And we need some cheerleaders. Ones with big hooters.
Jennings: OK…but what about your football philosophy.
Campbell: Are you serious? This is flag football moron. I’m done. Don’t forget folks we are having a sale on all DVD players this week only. Stop by and tell them I sent you!
I think it is clear that this team has an owner that believes in them 100%. I for one say, good show All-Stars keep up the good work.
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