A Look Inside the Mind Behind the All-Stars

This week the Detroit Lions fired GM/President Matt Millien due to the poor performance of the team over the last seven years. In this light, and due to the fact that the All-Stars seem to be heading down the same road , I decided to try and get inside the head of Speaker City’s President and GM Bernard “Beanie” Campbell this week.

Jennings: Thanks for taking the time to meet with me and discuss the All-Stars.

Campbell: Who? Oh the Flag Football team. Yea, can you make this quick? I have a massage scheduled at 2.

Jennings: OK. What do think about the season so far? 0-3? Is that what you expected?

Campbell: What do I think? I think that those guys better get their heads out of their asses. I mean come on, this flag foot ball not Cricket, or Jai Lai. I just started the team because Frank wouldn’t stop bugging me about it.

Jennings: So this team was Frank's Idea?

Campbell: Yea. He wanted a something to get his mind off the fact that he had no job, no wife, and the fact that he lives in a frat house even though he is 34 years old. I mean don’t get me wrong, I hang out at the house too, lots of young girls. You know what I mean?

Jennings: I guess so?

Campbell: Yea, well it’s cool and all but Frank really thinks he runs the place, and he has nothing else to live for so I told him we could start a team and Speaker City would sponsor the team. The dead beat couldn’t even come up with 200 bucks to pay for the league fee.

Jennings: What do you think about the way the team has played so far?

Campbell: Well, let’s see they have been beaten by at least 30 points each week, and they seem to be getting worse. I guess I’d say I’m not really happy.

Jennings: Do you think making the QB switch will help?

Campbell: Oh don’t bring that up. Frank sends me about 100 text messages a day asking for his job back. I mean really? He sucks. Plus most of the guys tell me he shows up drunk to most of the games. But he has to be QB if you ask him. His idea and all. I thought I would give that kid Weensie a shot. He did pretty good in his first game. I mean they still suck but at least it looked like they were playing football, and not grab ass.

Jennings: So you’re hopeful for the future?

Campbell: I don’t care about the future, I care about sales. If my sales at Speaker City, located at 10853 South Broadway open 10-8 every day every including Christmas, go down then I will shut this sorry team down. I am doing this for 2 reason only publicity and chicks.

Jennings: OK. Can you tell me a little bit about your philosophy as a team owner?

Campbell: Yea, if we win I sell more. And we need some cheerleaders. Ones with big hooters.

Jennings: OK…but what about your football philosophy.

Campbell: Are you serious? This is flag football moron. I’m done. Don’t forget folks we are having a sale on all DVD players this week only. Stop by and tell them I sent you!

I think it is clear that this team has an owner that believes in them 100%. I for one say, good show All-Stars keep up the good work.

Speaker CIty Gives Away Game to The Skinny Fat Guys

Brett Favre has noting on the Speaker City All Stars QB tandem. Favre has always been known for throwing too many interceptions, and rightfully so. But that is all about to change; there is a new king to the interception throne. The SCAS QB’s threw an impressive 7 interceptions in a 40 minute Flag Football game in route to a blowout loss to the “Skinny Fat Guys.”

Speaker City limped into week 2 looking to improve on the few things that they did do right in week one, and as the First half ended it looked like they had. Going into half time the All-Stars were only down 21-13. Despite 2 first half picks the all-starts hung in tough and moved the ball well for two early scores. Frank the Tank hit both Beanie and Omega for TD's in the first half. "He looked great in the first half, I really thought he turned the corner" this from Weensie who has always been a huge supporter of the often erratic Tank. Weensie added, "I think he even showed up sober this week." Frank was 8-17 with 2 picks in the first half, not too impressive, but the stout SCAS defense helped salvage a manageable score at half.

On the first play of the second half, The Tank and Weenzie hooked up for a 60 yard TD strike to bring the score to 21-20. "That catch was beautiful, I can t believe he could have caught such a crappy throw" said The Godfather. It looked like the All-Stars would pull of the victory and get back to .500 for the year. When asked about the second half performance Bryan stated “We were looking good and then Mr. Interception showed up and put the Tank on the bench. I really think Frank doesn’t care. How can you throw 4 interceptions in 10 minutes? What a ....." For the rest of the second half the SCAS did nothing but let the Fat Guys score and muddle in ineptitude. In the last minutes of the half Coach Dan decided that Weenzie would take over the QB duties in an attempt to re-energize his team. Weenzie was equally uninspiring. Cheese said “We suck, I mean we really suck. No shut up and listen to me I don't think we are bad, I think we suck. That’s S-U-C-K. You know what that's not enough, we sucked a.."

With a final score of 49-20 to a lesser opponent it is hard to believe that the team can win any games this year. After the loss Coach Dan addressed his QB situation “I think we might make a change. We really did a poor job of not execution this week. I am not sure we can continue this way for the rest of the year. I'll take a look at the film and after practice of Friday I'll make my decision." "Decision, what decision needs to be made, change the QB! It’s not rocket science you idiot!" Jim was heard yelling as I was trying to conduct my interview.

Team Captain Beanie tried to tow the company line when I pressed him on his thoughts after the game. "We had a tough go this week. I saw allot of things I didn’t like and some that I did. No, I don’t think we need a QB change. Coach will make the right adjustments and I think we will play better. Look I have been through allot with these guys, and I know what they’re made of. We will be back just wait and see." I discovered after this interview that Beanie is planning on skipping the next two games due to "irreconcilable differences" with the team.

Next week the All-Stars look to get back on track against Broomfield’s Finest. BF won only 1 game last season, so if the SCAS cannot get it together next week, the season could be lost. I asked Omega what he thought of the team’s chances next week and he had this to say. "Do I have to answer such a stupid question? We don’t have a chance, we suck! Did you watch the game tonight? You know what, forget it I don’t need to talk to you anymore, I have party to go to at a real man’s house."

I seems like this teams is close falling apart if not a collapse. I hope the Coaching staff can reunite this team so that they can take the field next week and show us what we all expect from the All-Stars. I for one will keep the faith. I believe in this team, and this is my only job so I hope they stick around and surprise us all.

Reported by Scoop Jennings.

All-Stars Go Down 48-7 in Tough Opener

Week 1 started out rough for the '08 All-Stars. After a strong off-season the All-Stars went into season #3 with high hopes. SCAS felt confident going into week 1 against the Regulators, a team that they know all to well. Formally know as "The Force", The Regulators and SCAS have a rich history of flag football excellence. 2 playoff teams meeting in the first week is a sure sign of a hard fought intense match-up. In that last meeting of these two titans, The All-Stars held the league leading Regulators to a season low 200 passing yards. The Regulators must have a good memory because they looked to pass long and often, and try to erase last years poor performance.

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In the first possession of the game the Regulators went deep on the first play of the game and came up empty. Then in a move that seemed to repeat itself throughout the game they went deep again. They scored on the next play and put the pressure back on the All Stars. The All Stars answered with a long drive that ended in Frank the Tank's lone TD pass. And it would prove to be the All-Stars only score.

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It was a gritty defensive performance by the all-stars but not enough to stop the Regulators. With a final score of 48-7 it was obvious that the SCAS defense needs some work.

"We really didn't show up today. I think that the Coach was unprepared and our game plan was crap." This according to Omega, who had a decent game with 8 catches for 158 yards. Cheese added "I really don't know what happened. One minute we were tied the next we were down by 30." Not to be left out, Weensie added "I think we need a QB change. I don't know if you saw it but our QB might have been drunk. I don't know for sure but I'm just saying."

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Coach Dan was not available for comment after the game. According to his staff he had a "league meeting" to get to.

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The All stars take on "The Skinny Fat Guys" next week and look to get back on the winning track.

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-Reported by Scoop Jennings

Welcome to the home of the Speaker City All Stars

You have found it, the home of "The Speaker City All Stars"

Who are the Speaker City All Stars? Well we are a group of middle age men who attempt each week to play flag football. That's right Flag Football the game of kings... I think?

Check back to keep track of our record, upcoming opponents, and game summaries from our victories and losses.